Love can take many forms. However, when we consider a relationship, what we see in our heads is two people who share feelings and, almost always, a postal code.
But what happens to people who are far away? What happens when the person with whom you share your love no longer shares your same city, country, or in the worst case, your own continent?
Let’s take a closer look at long-distance relationships in this article.
💖 Table of Contents
What is a long-distance relationship? (True meaning)
A long-distance relationship is an intimate bond between two people that, unlike conventional relationships, is something between people who are geographically separated from each other. This greatly reduces or eliminates face-to-face interactions and physical contact between them.
The core part of these relationships is usually a deep emotional bond that’s sustained through trust, fidelity, constant shows of affection via communications and some sort of agreement, which will be discussed below.
Young people are often said to prefer face-to-face, direct interactions. Long-distance relationships are based on an emotional, intangible bond, yet this kind of relationship is more common among college-age people.
What drives people into a long-distance relationship?
A long-distance relationship might start for several reasons, such as:
- Catching feelings for someone they’ve met online at a videogame, language exchange program, etc.
- As a coping mechanism for a circ*mstance that implies social isolation, such as prison pen pals, relationships between civilians and military when the latter are actively deployed or quartered, etc.
- In the hopes of keeping alive a relationship that started as a conventional, face-to-face relationship but either or both partners had to move, generally for work or study opportunities.
- Some therapists encourage patients with social anxiety to experiment with long-distance relationships as a desensitizing method towards face-to-face interactions
- Some people often seek long-distance relationships because they’re looking for better opportunities in another country, where doors are opened by their partner; such is the case of people overseas who marry for citizenship status in European countries, the USA, or the Emirates.
What is considered a long distance relationship? The different types of LDR
With some exceptions and variations, we can distinguish two types of long-distance relationships:
- those that are already consolidated, where couples have been together for a long time and for life’s circ*mstances, and now find themselves having to separate physically, whether it be a temporary thing or a longer arrangement.
- couples who met either online or by correspondence and have not yet met in person. A well-known and rather old variant of this is pen pals.
Inside these types, four different arrangements can also be distinguished:
- People who are determined to meet in person or reunite for good, which involves living together in a more conventional commitment.
- People who enjoy both having separate lives and meeting each other from time to time. This arrangement is more often than not transitional and highly dependent on the economic status of those involved.
- Those who agree on keeping the distance, and find comfort in long-distance interactions only, such as letters, messaging, calls, and video. However, this is one of the least successful agreements since it generally ends in an eventual breakup.
- Those who embark on open long-distance relationships, allowing them to explore or satisfy sexual urges with geographically close people while maintaining a degree of emotional fidelity to each other. This could play against the relationship, though; as sexual engagement with another might lead to an emotional response and subsequent abandonment of the open agreement.
How far apart is considered long distance relationship?
A long-distance relationship is generally defined as a romantic relationship where the partners live far apart, often in different cities or countries.
The distance varies, but typically refers to relationships where the partners are unable to see each other on a regular basis due to their geographical separation.
How are long-distance relationships possible?
Love and distance are two concepts that often do not mix well. When you start a relationship with someone, there must always be a physical closeness, a need to be with the other person, to touch them, to feel them and to embrace them.
However, if one of the parties has to separate in one way or another from the other for work or personal reasons, the relationship is bound to change, to adapt to the new circ*mstances. A big dilemma arises here: to continue the relationship or to refuse this change and end it.
One thing is certain: long-distance relationships have a bad reputation (and not without reason for some things) but not all of them end badly, every rule has its exceptions.
On the other hand, there are people who have been lovestruck from the beginning despite the distance. There are differences between couples who start a long-distance relationship having had some physical contact before, and those who have never seen each other in person.
In the case of the latter, social networks make communication much easier, being able to see and hear the other person, and online communication is a fundamental part of the relationship.
However, talking about long-distance relationships is certainly not a new concept; the definition of long-distance love is the moment when people in a couple or relationship do not live in the same city, nation, or continent and cannot see each other in person often but sometimes for as long as a month or even a year.
Nowadays, thanks to social networks, messaging platforms, videoconferences, apps, etc., it is possible to keep in permanent contact, no matter where you are.
It is not the same as in the 19th century or until the first half of the 20th century when distance could really create a big problem for a couple. Long-distance relationships are sustainable since the concept of correspondence exists.
There are services on an international scale that aim to make it easier for people who would otherwise not know each other to have conversations. In prisons, this phenomenon is also common: people initiate relationships with convicts, exchanging letters and promises.
Key features of a long-distance relationship
Firstly, the relationship must be kept alive and, as you can see, this is truly difficult.
Keeping the relationship alive
Women will usually feel a greater urge to having their partner by her side, not one who lives miles away. She will want to see them, she will want to perceive their presence, she will want to go out with them, etc.
In this regard, a lot will depend on the point in which relationship is, in other words, the time together. Perhaps if it is at the beginning, the fire of the early days can burn the distance and can even further ignite the passion and desire to see each other.
However, if the relationship is already in a downward phase, and many relationships go through these stages, the distance will increase the problem exponentially and the telephone and Internet will sometimes only serve to further complicate the crisis of the couple.
On the contrary, the long-distance relationship is easier if both partners have invested a lot in it, such as planning their future together.
Let’s take the example of a couple who have lived together for a long time but suddenly he has to leave because of work and will be separated for several months.
If the relationship is solid, if they both trust each other, there is a great chance that the relationship will last, but also because there is the prospect of a reunion at a certain date because we are not talking about a long-distance relationship that will last for years.
Distance
Another factor is distance, which is always relative. For example, if two people live 100 miles apart and one of them has a car, distance will not be a big problem. On the contrary, if both are not yet adults and cannot move easily, the distance will always be the same but the possibility of seeing each other will decrease.
For modern urban living, it’s easy to think that 100 miles is not a big deal. This is mostly true, but here too it depends on where they live. For example, if these 100 miles separate two major cities and they both live in the center, using the train will not be a big problem.
However, if you both live in lost villages or smaller towns, taking a simple train will not be enough, you will surely need to change trains, take a bus or a taxi, etc., and this increases both the time and money you have to spend to see each other.
Obviously, the discourse on distance is even more relative with the emergence of low-cost flights.
A long-distance relationship between two major cities where low-cost flights are possible is much more feasible than between small cities where only normal flights arrive and there is even the possibility of having to change flights, causing costs to skyrocket.
Therefore, the possibility of seeing each other more or less frequently will also depend on people’s economic situation.
Benefits of long-distance relationships
Long-distance relationships are not easy, they require a strong commitment and a lot of dedication and both have to be motivated to make it work.
However, as complicated as it may be not to have your partner when you need them the most, a long-distance relationship has positive aspects that may make it worth trying.
Significant interactions
Couples who live close by or even live together have so much time together that they start fighting for different reasons.
And fights, however silly, tend to wear down the relationship. For long-distance couples, their time together is limited, so they try to make the most of it.
More appreciation
When you’re in a relationship with someone who lives far away, it’s normal to reserve the date you’re going to meet and try to spend as much time with each other as possible.
This means leaving your daily routine and tasks behind and looking for new ways to have fun, to get to know new places, and to have a better time than if it were an everyday thing.
But it’s not just that you enjoy your time together more. It’s also that the distance allows you to know how much you love the other person and avoid taking them for granted. That makes us value the relationship more and make a greater effort to make it work.
A greater commitment
Distant couples are more tolerant, more accepting of each other’s behavior and seek to get to know each other better rather than simply sharing information.
Although there are difficulties in long-distance relationships, such as spending nights alone or needing the other person and not being able to contact them, long-distance couples tend to have a greater commitment than couples who have a relationship in the same city.
This is because the effort and desire to make the relationship work is stronger than the problems that may arise from the distance.
Takeaway
The desire to see each other, to touch each other, and to share our daily lives may make a difference, but distance does not have to mean the end of our relationship. A little bit of care, some organization, and a lot of communication will make it easier.
Remember that long-distance relationships can allow two people to mature and grow, so that when they meet, if they choose to do so, they will have a more balanced, healthy, and strong relationship.
After all, long-distance couples have clearer feelings, enjoy the relationship more, and make the most of it by putting aside problems and silly arguments and knowing how to be there for each other.
